week 3

just got back from an open mic at a bar in the neighborhood called "American Trash" lol it's actually a nice little bar, lots of regulars. it was my second time there and I met a few more people tonight. My favorite was this guy from London (hoping he doesn't read this), but he was so funny. We were talking and he was saying he's depressed and I was like me too... yada yada... he was telling my sister and I all these details about his travels- making the move from London to New York (which is very bold/admirable), buying a phone, trying to find work as a musician. I thought he'd been here awhile - he was at the neighborhood open mic! Then I asked, "when did you move here?" he said "Last night" lol I was like you have nothing to worry about!! maybe you had to be there but it was so funny and also kinda nice to talk to someone going through the same thing- moving to a new city, trying to be a musician- crazY? yes. I was so sure of myself and just being here I feel a little paralyzed.. just fear and unsure about everything. the ups and downs are pretty intense. I hope one day I can look back at this and say ahh it's ookay- got through it. but it's scary, not knowing what's going to happen. you want to hold onto your dreams and I have thus far... but it's going to be a lot more than I can even imagine. at my internship yesterday these words popped into my head "lost with no direction, my faith is shaken" I was like what is that from?? that's how I feel! it's "the climb" (miley cyrus sings it) that may sound cheesy but it's spot on to where I'm at... I just want someone to smack me out of this funk. I hate being afraid.. it's suffocating- not knowing if you're doing the right thing. you want to be bold and truly who you are but sometimes you get lost! I think it's okay though- maybe it's all apart of the fun... I see people who seem so together- you're like what books are they reading? or they must be much smarter- or luckier.. but you can't compare to others always... we have to make our own journey. so here it goes...