Chasing Emma

back in balty.

2012-01-04T11:27:00.003-05:00

had to get my head on straight... plan, re-evaluate and re-charge. so im back in Balty for a little while, and I'm so glad I did it. after driving through Virginia and TN for 10 hours, it felt like home when I finally got to DC and on 495 :) all the music changed too ... it was pgc 95.5 and 93.9 and 92Q the whole way home. and of course 93.1. hah. sometimes u have to think outside the box when things aren't making sense. my fam had a house fire last year and we just got back into our house for the holidays. there was so much to unpack and it was so nice being together doing that, going thru all our old things. we've never moved. ever. so there was a lot. my mom did an amazing job with this house. I'll be back in Nashville soon and NYC for a bit :) this holiday was so nice to reflect and remember what's important. hope everyone had a nice holiday and new year :)

-emma

2011-11-20T12:43:00.002-05:00

“If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.” - steve jobs

I don't think it could be said any better than that.. so much said in so few words. I love the last line. i love thinking of your work as a relationship.. you have ups and downs in any but it's a commitment to love that makes it so rewarding over time.

2011-11-02T11:59:00.003-04:00

... i am in love with this song and the production. its an amazing combination.

2011-10-29T16:22:00.005-04:00

i moved to Nashville because my mom made me listen to a song that i kept forgetting to listen to.. when i got home from graduation she kept saying listen to it, listen to it.. so finally i got online and watched the video for a song called "The House That Built Me." and honestly it's a big reason I'm here right now.

Maybe because I had just graduated from college and because I was literally coming back to the house I grew up in and being forced to move on.. i don't know, it hit me like no other song had before.. so im here, to learn how to do that, maybe. i hope. one day

chance encounters..

2011-10-26T12:16:00.006-04:00

played a last minute slot at this bar called the Rusty Nail out in Hermitage, TN last nite. I actually went to the wrong venue and 10 minutes before I was supposed to go on, realized I had a 30 minute drive before I'd be at the right one. It was a writers night where each writer gets up after the other and plays like 4 songs... so anyway.. it worked out and I ended up just switching with another writer.

a lot of the clubs or dive bars I end up in I find I have the most random encounters. I end up talking to random strangers who strike up a conversation after I play.. I don't know if it's the smokey room, the dim lighting, the sea of chatter... but these people I meet, they always come up to me as if they're some sort of prophet I was supposed to meet.. :) They always end up asking something I can't answer or leaving me with some piece of information I didn't have before.

It always feels so whimsical, or maybe it's just in the moment it does.. I'm always left thinking, why did that person come up to me? why did they say that?

fall tour

2011-10-24T14:04:00.006-04:00

back from my tour up the east coast.. let's be honest, it wasn't a real tour, but i drove from Nashville to New Hampshire and BACK> hah so i would say that is a tour.

hehe it was lots of fun.. beautiful drive. and i think T.swift accompanied me the whole way.

(the most perfect fall song- "last kiss" by taylor swift. i think i listened to it a hundred times)

i heart beyonce

2011-10-11T18:00:00.003-04:00

a pic from Beyonce's MTV performance of "LOVE ON TOP" i love it so much.. here's the video link to watch :)

I heart Gaga

2011-08-10T15:07:00.011-04:00

getting to know her through her music- I've become a huge Gaga fan & supporter. I love how free she is and just wonderful and bold.

But last week, I was with my dad about to go to Sushi Hana in Towson to get some dinner and before we got out of the car he turns on his cd player and he's like you have to check this out.. and it was, of course, Lady Gaga. lol yes my dad loves lady gaga and wanted me to hear "The Edge of Glory." I was like yea whatever it's cool ... you're crazy btw! ;) I kept listening and was trying to be open to the new song my dad loved, but needed to give it the right # of listens (it always takes a couple times ya know?). He told me about her performance on Howard Stern's radio show and said it was really moving so I decided to check it out... here is the youtube vid of the song. I LOVE IT and love Gaga even more.. here's the clip if you have time to watch - the whole interview is really good too

back from Hawaii!

2011-05-27T02:56:00.002-04:00

just got back from Hawaii last night :) I'm surprisingly glad to be home, but it was an amazing, amazing trip. geesh... so much. We went to waikiki and maui.. waikiki was cool but if you've never been, you don't expect to arrive in a city. It was awesome, but not what I'd pictured.. but Maui.... was amazing. we took a helicopter tour just me and my fam over the island. I have to admit I've never been that afraid of something in my life... yes, i'm a big baby, but it was crazy how scared I was.. literally crying before we took off. (im crazy, i know). once we were off and running it was the most fun, most incredible thing I've ever done, it was just the anticipation- i thought it'd be something it wasn't.. after doing it, i highly recommend it. then the day we got home from the trip, the DVD of the helicopter adventure arrived. i was like please, tell me they edited that horrific pathetic part in the beginning... but no, they didn't.. tears and all, right there, documented for eternity for my brother and sister to never forget. honestly it's kind of sad... but then it's hilarious. but that's how scared I was!! I knew we were being filmed but it kind of swallowed me up! but also a very good lesson, that nothing is ever gonna be what you think.. and there's no reason to be afraid of what you don't know.. or create it in your mind of just how bad you think it could be. being free of fear or just going past it even if it's there has got to be the best thing ever. fear is so confining... and uncomfortable. it's so freeing to move past it... even dismiss it, knowing there's something better on the other side. i hope i can do that more. gnight friends.

The Billy Block Show

2011-04-28T11:18:00.004-04:00

I don't think I wrote about this... I can't believe I didn't, but anywho, in Nashville a lot of weird fun occurrences have happened. Like I've had random encounters meeting people- the very "small town" feel - apparently it happens a lot here, but like one night, during a visit.. before I even lived here (I was actually on my way to LA, thinking I might move there) SO about a week prior to this night, I had written a songwriter on Facebook who had moved from NY to Nashville (since I had been in NY and was considering moving to Nashville, I was like I have to talk to this person), so I wrote him a message and heard back a few days later. We hadn't set anything up though yet.. So I love this restaurant in Nashville called J. Alexander's on West End.. realllly good burgers yum.. anyway my friend Ej worked at the bar so I went over that night and sat at the bar and got my favorite burger! so I'm sitting there and this guy sits next to me, and I'm thinking, that looks a hell of a lot like the guy I messaged on Facebook. So after a few minutes of trying to figure out whether or not to say anything, I said, are you Jeff Cohen?? LOL and it was! so we had dinner together and have been friends ever since! lol so that's an example of the weird things that have happened here.

SOOO what I was getting at was that the very first week I was here, my college (berklee college of music) was on their spring break trip visiting Nashville so we all went over to The Rutledge to hear some friends perform. The Rutledge is where Billy Block has a show every Tuesday night broadcast on TV and it happened to be a Tuesday.. So something made me say hi to him and give him a CD, anyway a few days later, on a Sunday, he called me and asked me if I wanted to perform on his Radio Show that night on 103.3 WKDF. I was like... wait you mean tonight? not like next sunday?? hah so he meant that night and I went and performed. it was lots of fun and another very spontaneous fun little moment.

Those first few weeks, my mom and I kept saying my Oma is watching over, I think she is.

Here's a pic of me & Billy Block from the radio show at Tootsie's Orchid Lounge

rough demo of "Even If" - new song written & performed by Emma

2011-04-27T14:04:00.004-04:00

want to hear a new demo I'm working on? here's a version of a song called "Even If" I did on garageband w/some kitchen countertop drumming.. I have all these songs I don't have down in a fully finished product yet but I still want people to be able to hear them- maybe that's impatient of me? well here it is, hope you like it :) and i do promise a fully produced version, one day- I'm hoping soon. knock on wood* ;)

3rd & Lindsley show- first show in Nashville

2011-04-08T04:09:00.008-04:00

I couldn't have asked for a better night.. I love my band so much.. have i said that yet tonight? lol it was our first show, but they're just so good. I'm so proud of all of them for what they're doing.. they're phenomenal and are going to have amazing careers I know. I feel lucky to get to play with them. We all went to school together and ended up in Nashville at different times within the past year or so.. the show was at 3rd & Lindsley. we didn't get to do a full set bc we were opening.. but it went really well. and people were really receptive to it! It's so amazing to have people tell u they like your stuff (esp. when they're hearing it for the first time).. hah I know it sounds silly, but in my own head sometimes I can barely get to the show.. I think of what could go wrong.. everything that will.. I always feel awful before a show and then on cloud 9 during and after the show. it's strange lol but i know it's just nerves and doubt before.. but just to have people like it is the best gift ever. My dad's in town too! for work and it happened to coincide with my show, which was so nice.. he brought his buddies with him and we're gonna get to hang out all weekend! I think we might go to memphis and play golf.. lol i dunno yet though its kinda far for a day trip. anyway, very grateful for tonight and how it went... don't listen to your head that's all i have to say.

I love my girls

2011-03-10T23:27:00.003-05:00

God I love my girls so much... I'm two days from moving to Nashville.. we just went to dinner at Crush, the restaurant I worked at while I was home for a few months.

It's so crazy, we grew up together- like 8,9,10 yrs old till now some of us.. Honestly, high school we had the time of our lives it felt like.. there were 8 of us - we were known (and still referred to) as the "cookie bakers" :) We all played field hockey together, practically lived together, went to the pool, got ready together before we went out every weekend... just so many memories. Then we went away to college and it was like we lived these separate lives.. still kept in touch, but we all changed too. We're still close though and remain best friends. It's weird I can't seem to wrap my head around growing up... we're alllways growing up, every second.. I think about those days in high school and I just wish I could freeze them and go back for a day or two. have my best friends back- hang out whenever we wanted.. but now we have to be adults.. aand it's just strange to me b/c all I remember is calling each other to go to the pool. I feel like a weirdo b/c I seem to have the most trouble accepting this.. haha i want to grow up but I don't want to lose them..

"enchanted" by Taylor Swift

2011-02-15T12:40:00.004-05:00

I don't know why I feel compelled to write a blog about this, but I just have to say I love taylor swift so much. She has me in tears right now...it's 12:45pm on a tuesday and I'm crying. lol I just think she is such a good songwriter.. you know when you have a desire to do something... and it just hits you.. when you're so moved by what someone else has done.. i just have this strong desire to be able to move other people in the same way. hopefully, one day. God I love this song! hahah .. so that's it. I could go on about how wonderful taylor swift is, but I think I'll leave it at that :)

ohh and I'm looking for an apartment in Nashville speaking of which. I think I'm going to start out in a sublet for 2/3months.

hope you're having a good day & listening to a good song right now.

emma

2011-02-08T10:35:00.010-05:00

in an email I got this morning. - thanks pop

"Come to the edge," he said. "No, we will fall," they replied. They came to the edge. He pushed them . . . and they flew.
--Apollinaire

Without courage it is virtually impossible to progress along the spiritual path. Courage enables us to face the fears that arise when we go for what we want.

Courage often involves going against conventional wisdom and walking the path alone. It takes courage to give up the high paying job and work part-time while you start your own business on the side. It takes courage to leave an unworkable relationship. It takes courage to face the pain of one's childhood and seek to heal it. In short, it takes courage to be oneself.

People ask, "How can I have courage when I'm afraid?" The answer is clear. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to move forward in spite of it. When fear comes up in your life, fully feel and experience it. If you try to push it away, it will only expand.

Say to your fear, "I acknowledge you. But as I connect with my higher knowing, I see that you are not in alignment with my true calling. Because I have the courage and the faith to follow my heart, I am moving ahead with my plans in spite of you." Then proceed. Like the actor whose stage fright leaves in the first moments of the play, yours will fade as you actively embrace your own unique destiny - with courage.

in the new place

2011-02-07T19:50:00.004-05:00

In the new apartment tonight.. sister just left to head back to NY. Me, my mom and sister all went to the studio today to record a song my mom wrote. It was great.. we had some "moments" lol i won't go into those though. haha it turned out awesome. it was my sister's first time recording and she has such a beautiful voice, i almost cried right there in the studio. Hopefully we can put it out soon!

So anywho.. ummm I was supposed to go on a date tonight.. but I got stood up! LOL I hope he never reads this... we're going out tomorrow, but tonight I have nothing to do but write a blog about it. so pathetic. haha anyway, I LOVE our new apartment. I was supposed to move to Nashville/LA, but this place is so new and nice I think I may never leave lol I think I may have been meant to live in a condo.. i love that everything is in one place, one building! it's amazing to me, it feels like living in a dorm/hotel.. you have people you run into all the time, there's a gym! a pool! an espresso machine in the lobby haha ill stop, but it has been nice getting to live here after the last week.

sooo that's all I got for now.. gnight!

2011-02-01T19:57:00.003-05:00

one thing I left out from the last post was that my house in Maryland caught fire while I was gone. My parents didn't want to tell me about it while I was away because I was having such a good time, but I'm glad they told me when they did. It was really upsetting at first, but now that I'm back I know it's all going to be taken care of. I was instantly relieved knowing that everyone was safe. We've lived in the same house for 22 yrs (myparents have been there 24yrs).. So we have to be out of it for 6 months while they renovate and fix the smoke and fire damage.

I feel like we're just soo lucky because no one was hurt! My dog, Scruffy (who is my little baby) apparently wouldn't come out of the house and no one could get in because of the smoke, it was too thick to see. But a man was outside working on another house and heard my mom yelling to the dog to come out and he said he'd get the dog so he crawled on his stomach and got him! I want to tell him how appreciative we are.. my parents got to call him the other night. I'm soo thankful he is safe. He's staying with my brother right now and we're in a hotel until we move into an apartment nearby. It was crazy coming off the plane to a hotel and seeing my house the next day. Some of our old home movies and photos were melted in the fire which is really the only thing we were upset about. But I think it's going to be okay.. it's amazing how lucky it was that it didn't happen at another time.. or that my mom hadn't gotten out of the shower too late. Luckily she was home to be able to call the fire department. (It was caused my an electrical surge.. because of all the snow)

Anyway, so grateful to have my family in one piece. And we're so appreciative of all the people helping us put our house back together and get into our new apartment. It could have been a lot worse, but right now, although it's a lot of work, it feels like a new chapter for us.

to Nashville and LA and back

2011-02-01T19:52:00.007-05:00

What an amazing trip. these last two weeks have a special place with me. First was Nashville where I couldn't have asked for anything more.. the people I had the opportunity to meet, the office I had the opportunity to go in, the bizarre coincidences... i can't remember everything!! when I didn't think it could get better.. I went to LA right after and that was amazing too! more amazing.. It was so special...little, small pieces of a bigger dream came true out there. not to mention California is so beautiful.. After living on the east coast all my life, I'm like... do people know about this?? You can live here! it's like everyone has this skewed view of what "LA" really is... it is a wonderful place. I just felt so good there. stayed with a friend from school and i think we laughed the entire time.

I like to daydream about living there, what it would be like. i hope one day, but I'm thinking Nashville should be my first stop along the way... well second (after new york). I had some of those great moments that come around like never... haha I got to go to a record label, a big one, that I'd always dreamed of.. and there I was, talking to a guy there about my music..that wascrazy! and even more than that it was nothing like what i imagined... it was way better.. the two guys I met with were awesome and funny.. one of my favorite moments of the whole trip.. and the whole thing came about because I had waited outside one of their artists shows and gave them a CD in ny.. then after months (since sept) of emailing with no response.. I got one, right after New Years lol.. so now, new friends in music. and they were so fun to talk to. it just meant so much to me.. I felt and still feel so grateful. i called my mom and sister about every few hours during the whole two week period in nashville and LA to update them on who I just met or where I was..So after that meeting I was driving down Wilshire - and it was one of the moments I was just so excited, I was on the phone with my mom and I was like, I'm goin to MickeyD! haha i know it sounds like a simple, mundane thing, but mickeyD, to me, is a very special experience, only reserved for special occasions, like this one. hahah so I got a happy meal w/a coke and an apple pie and it was amazing. i sound ridiculous, i know, but it's the simple stuff.... anyway going to bed, can't write anymore, but I'm gonna try to dream about each little moment that happened.. like driving down Malibu Canyon through the mountains with my friend Marga, blasting Britney... ahh just what a trip.. i hope i can remember everything!!

Thank you to everyone who made this trip possible and who have been so helpful throughout this journey in Nashville, NY and LA!! You know who you are.. Thank you sooo much.

just hang in there

2010-11-18T01:42:00.002-05:00

it's amazing how manageable and nice life can become when i stop looking so far ahead.. when i'm here.. or maybe just getting a new perspective. it's so hard for me to wrap my head around things sometimes, no matter how many times I talk to my best friends or family about something.. u can beat it into the ground and then one day, maybe, it'll be a little clearer and it won't hurt or be such an anxiety or burden. a new perspective is a gift..

even though these few months have been tough... and kinda like free falling almost- you graduate and you freak out.. the pages are blank ahead of you- an abyss! scary... then the self doubt creeps in. but honestly, even though it has been scary, i have had more fun in the last few months than i have had in the last three years. ny is a crazy place and ive met some really nice people and i love being here with my sister.

oh and I got my first placement on TV for a song of mine called "Go"- it's one of my favs. It's going to be on "Giuliana & Bill" next week!! i feel really lucky that that happened- on such a whim. I'll get into the story next time.. lol im tired!! night :)

2010-11-09T14:39:00.002-05:00

these few months in ny have been a difficult adjustment... the state of the music biz... "reality"... nothing seems worth "believing" in. i think this is some kind of test or im learning something about commitment.. when you fall out of love.. or things get hard with something or someone you've loved and still love, maybe all you need to do is.. not quit. wait it out long enough.. for the storm to pass- and if you don't know why you feel this way, maybe just ignore it, don't think so much and continue.. remembering what you deeply believed before. and even if it's a distant memory from where you are now, keeping the hope and knowing that it'll come back again. just keep on..

the kind words of people who message me or- never often, but that one person who goes out of their way to tell you how they feel about your music, and you know they mean it- that means so much to me.. when i feel discouraged, even if it's just one person saying something, they'll never know how much it means to me. it kind of lights my way again. it's so important for all of us to be there for each other.. to keep going, especially when it's the most challenging. staying true to a promise or a purpose, even if you feel really far away at the time.

trip back to boston

2010-10-21T23:58:00.004-04:00

Taking a last minute trip to... Boston tomorrow!! yay! well technically today in two minutes. I haven't packed yet- I don't really like to pack and typically do things last minute, it's a bad habit but that's just how I do.

Anyway, I just had a little realization tonight... a feeling of "ahh" relief. I've been struggling the last couple months- coming to grips with reality- I'm out of school, I want to be a performer, don't have a job and have not decided/committed on a place to move- to begin again, and start a new life really. I've been so anxious I have been paralyzed almost. And sometimes, even when you know you're taking things for granted and not counting your blessings, sometimes things just don't click for some reason. But in taking this trip to Boston I realize how excited I am to see the people I left there, the few good friends I made and just be surrounded by my old environment. For most of my time there at one of the best music schools in the world, my dream school, I was really unhappy.. and I didn't understand why. The whole time I was there I was so focused on where I wanted to "be" and what I wanted to achieve rather than just being there and soaking in every minute of it. I definitely have good memories too, but I really shut myself off from people there and just relaxing and having a normal college experience. I think being driven to accomplish things is a good thing, but sometimes you can miss a lot of really good things in the process. I've really realized I just want to be here on earth with people and not get caught up in my head so much. If I could do it over... I'd give people more time, really invest time in more friendships and not focused on the negative stuff. So now, in these last few months of being a negative nancy, I'd like not to be.. so uptight it's like just relax you freak!!

I think you start to see how critical these years are.. you don't want to make a mistake.

My parents are amazing for even letting me go visit! they are the best eva!!
love u mama and papa if you're reading this!!

it's the journey... that's what they say ;)

week 3

2010-09-28T23:37:00.003-04:00

just got back from an open mic at a bar in the neighborhood called "American Trash" lol it's actually a nice little bar, lots of regulars. it was my second time there and I met a few more people tonight. My favorite was this guy from London (hoping he doesn't read this), but he was so funny. We were talking and he was saying he's depressed and I was like me too... yada yada... he was telling my sister and I all these details about his travels- making the move from London to New York (which is very bold/admirable), buying a phone, trying to find work as a musician. I thought he'd been here awhile - he was at the neighborhood open mic! Then I asked, "when did you move here?" he said "Last night" lol I was like you have nothing to worry about!! maybe you had to be there but it was so funny and also kinda nice to talk to someone going through the same thing- moving to a new city, trying to be a musician- crazY? yes. I was so sure of myself and just being here I feel a little paralyzed.. just fear and unsure about everything. the ups and downs are pretty intense. I hope one day I can look back at this and say ahh it's ookay- got through it. but it's scary, not knowing what's going to happen. you want to hold onto your dreams and I have thus far... but it's going to be a lot more than I can even imagine. at my internship yesterday these words popped into my head "lost with no direction, my faith is shaken" I was like what is that from?? that's how I feel! it's "the climb" (miley cyrus sings it) that may sound cheesy but it's spot on to where I'm at... I just want someone to smack me out of this funk. I hate being afraid.. it's suffocating- not knowing if you're doing the right thing. you want to be bold and truly who you are but sometimes you get lost! I think it's okay though- maybe it's all apart of the fun... I see people who seem so together- you're like what books are they reading? or they must be much smarter- or luckier.. but you can't compare to others always... we have to make our own journey. so here it goes...

2010-09-20T01:28:00.005-04:00

funny how things happen. just released "His Eyes" on iTunes. sooooo excited to see it there- like it's real!! it's really on iTunes.. even though anyone can get on there nowadays, there's something really crazy about seeing it there haha here's the link if you'd like to hear/get a copy:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/his-eyes/id393123562

I wrote "His Eyes" (my first song)... about a guy I was in LUB with. maybe it wasn't love, I think it may have been lust... who didn't quite feel the same way. (my unrequited love) but it was the most amazing thing to turn pain from something into a song that then became this incredible joy- finding out I could even write a song, to singing on a track that sounded kinda cool. he was kind of the catalyst for it, I'm so grateful for that experience.. i still tell him i wrote it for him haha but he doesn't believe me. so maybe things do happen for a reason. id like to think so.

love. hope you have a wonderful week.

NYC

2010-09-09T13:16:00.002-04:00

So I just brought a big suit case, my guitar and lap top to come to nyc to keep, keeping on. You just don't know where life's gonna go so I'm just going.. I went to a publishing company this morning and got an internship which is great, the guy I met was really nice and I was shocked he didn't turn me away. Luckily he recognized me from a school trip we had taken there a couple years ago.. so everyone's advice is keep writing, keep writing and I'm going to do that but I also feel like I need to meet people too.. When they ask me what kind of artist are you I don't really know what to say.. I say "country" because a lot of people tell me that I come across best as country because of my appearance and voice and all that... but when I say it.. like I'm a country artist, it doesn't sound 100% honest. I loveee country and grew up on it, but I wouldn't say that's who I am as an artist. I grew up in Baltimore! haha one of my best writing partners is a hip hop artist who i met in College Park.. so I feel like I'm lying if I say, I only want to do country. I just want to put out good music, so being in NY makes the most sense right now, it's the most diverse place so you're exposed to a lot of different genres of music. For some reason when people label you, you immediately want to break out of that- haha i think that's called being stubborn I don't know.. but that's an instinct of mine- it's totally unconscious, but when people tell me to do one thing I immediately gravitate to the other, justtt because hah... maybe that's more of a personal problem, then a personality trait.. but why just be one thing?? hah anywho it's fashion week in NYC!

2010-09-04T13:40:00.003-04:00

i don't know what I'm doing right now... there's so many things happening in my brain and if i just dont pay attention to each one im okay. i think we're all looking for some kind of direction, or at least I am. but I'm moving to new york, to pursue "music"/"entertainment" in general because that's what my gut says. I don't know what else I would do, i don't have a desire to do anything else. I think when you're unsure you just gotta stick it out and keep doing and not think too much. then it usually "comes back around." your sense of oh yea, this is why I'm doing this. I hope.

process

2010-08-18T12:21:00.003-04:00

I've been working on this song I love since June.. work, work working... which has consisted of staring at the page- writing it down over and over and over again, on a word doc., in my notebook, and really not much has changed. I've been looking and looking for what is wrong with it.. what to change, why it's not working- changing perspectives, making it more specific so it will be "well written." But today I realized, maybe nothing is wrong with it.. maybe while I've been sweating, anxious about it and feeling like it's not good enough..maybe it's been perfect all along..

Maybe nothing is wrong or right with it, maybe it just is. I've been analyzing other songs.. writing down how they're constructed..the one I look at most is "The House That Built Me" (if you've talked to me in the last few months, I know you know I love this song:)

but anyway.. I've learned a lot by deconstructing it line by line.. it works.. and it's beautiful, but unfortunately, I cannot make my song "The House That Built Me" :) they're different.

I can always change the words. Or write it from a different perspective- adding more images to "show" and not just "tell" (as my wonderful teacher Pat always said). But the version that came from where I was at the time, what I wanted to do with the song.. that's there. It's a verse/refrain song with a bridge. And I know, people want to hear the "bridge" as a "chorus" and hear it more than once, but right now, in this version that I have now, the bridge will remain a bridge, and I will do it once thank you very much!.. ;)

I just had to say that, to write that down. I will have other versions of the song probably for those that want to hear the bridge as a chorus. But, just for writing's sake, if I'm always trying to find what is wrong with something, I may miss the point- and maybe the song is neither good/bad, it just is a song. That's the trouble maybe, trying to "be like" something else.. there's always this "grass is greener" way of thinking. I want it to be perfect.. but imperfection is perfection sometimes. and I've not finished things - a lot of things because I don't feel I'll do it well enough. but I want to write and stay true to what I began with. It's like with anything- even ourselves or in relationships, we look for what is wrong rather than just let it be.

So I'm gonna let it be.. and at least I won't get hung up on it and not move on.. on to the next :)

so glad, bc I've really wanted to play it live :) lol

"Everyone you meet along the way as a teacher"

2010-08-16T14:31:00.004-04:00

from one of my favorite books, "Eat, Pray, Love" written by the amazing Liz Gilbert... read this during my first month in Boston and seemed to come at just the right time. This is one of many many quotes from her book (if you haven't read it... think about it!) :) Just saw the movie yesterday with my friends Caryn and Meghan.. I've never been the kind of person to say things like "the book was better than the movie," as I've not usually read any book first before seeing the movie of it ;) but I highly recommend reading the book regardless of whether you see the movie or not.

"I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call 'The Physics of The Quest'– a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: “If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.”

back to school

2010-08-16T10:21:00.005-04:00

August is almost over and usually I'd be preparing myself to go back to school. But not this time.. It's strange but also not at all. *I think I'm moving in with my older sister in New York. (I don't like to make definite statements until I'm actually there, just in case plans change). I've been up almost every week this summer to play shows, kind of slowly making the adjustment- I've lived there a few times, once right out of high school for a summer and last summer while I was doing an internship at ATO. And I've only been there with her- it's so funny, we're still "working on the dream."

My uncertainty is really funny to me and almost comforting because it's almost exactly the way I was when I first went to college. I said I wasn't going to go to college- I wanted to move to New York and be a singer- but I also said that when I wanted to drop out of high school. So now I'm not really sure where I'm going, but I still know what I want to do and that has never changed. But just like my first year of college, all my friends have plans and destinations, grad schools, real jobs, pay checks that come each week, but nothing is definite for me right now. But I'm just going to follow it. In fact, the absolute best time of my life was my first semester at University of Maryland.. two weeks before I started looking for a place to live- all the dorms had been filled up.. I said "I guess I'll go to college" lol so with no expectation, it was this whole new world. I lived off campus on the same street as my sister, her boyfriend and my brother lived a little drive away. haha it was amazing.. They kind of paved the way a little bit so it was a nice transition and very exciting to be hanging out with the "older kids" as a little freshman.

I had a show last week at Rockwood music hall and we went to a party the following night. Really nothing had changed except our scenery.. I felt like it was freshman year all over again. Instead of going to "Bentleys" the local bar up the street, we were going to "Hudson Terrace"- a fun rooftop bar on the west side of manhattan. Hha well that is a bit of an upgrade... it didn't smell and there were models there lol I feel so lucky to get to do this with her- go through all these crazy changes.. It's like we have a new start ahead of us. Or I'd like to think of it that way- not holding onto who we were, but reminding each other of who we are.

note to self: remember to enjoy the journey.

also

2010-08-09T21:30:00.005-04:00

the most beautiful things happen when I'm not expecting anything. When did I start to expect things from life or feel entitled? Reminders.. I like reminders. they bring me back down to earth.

alright, Im comin back! I've felt so constricted for such a long time.. life has to be my way or else. It's so strange.. the best way things happen is when they come to you.. when you're not looking for them. The tricky part is that we need deadlines, we need goals to get anything done, but what we don't need is expectations.

im starting in ny

2010-08-05T17:44:00.003-04:00

okay it's official.. im moving to ny

i got to start somewhere so I think it'll be here. also, i have to remember a few things:

ignore everything everyone says

and be true to yourself

:) the first one is a bit sarcastic, but there is truth in there. A lot of times I'll be talking to people to "guide" me and it helps, but not all of it.. Not everyone's experience has to be your experience.. if something is rubbing you the wrong way, it's probably because it's not right for you. So I'm trying to follow that more. My sister and I have been talking about that a lot. Being who we are or doing what our gut says isn't always easy but we have to listen to it to get to the right place for us.. it's not always easy or convenient or cool at the time but i think it's best to find your way.

i know i say this a lot, but...

2010-07-21T15:01:00.004-04:00

I'm on a constant journey to feel comfortable being myself. I noticed today that I'm constantly criticizing myself and for what.. even when I post something on Facebook or Twitter, I get nervous about it.. like wondering what other people will think. I'll post something and then delete it haha (obviously I have too much time on my hands) but really it's silly to worry so much about 1. yourself and 2. caring what everyone thinks/their perception of you. It feels so amazing to be truly yourself and do and say things without holding back. I'm sick of being afraid of things. I want to live the life I've dreamed of but too afraid to meet for some reason.. holding back hurts more.

if i could just remember this each day.

lots of love.

emma

it's finished ;) almost

2010-07-19T16:56:00.006-04:00

Just finished a new song- well it's not new, it's actually 2 1/2 years old. I wrote it after my first semester at Berklee, but I was still such a new writer, I felt like I didn't have the goods to finish it, like I wasn't ready to understand it. So I waited.... and waited... and it has been gnawing at me, asking me to finish it. so today I finally did! well, for now.. lol it can always be revised if necessary, but I feel like it's fine. It is finished. and maybe it's not perfect, but the emotion is there if performed authentically. Trying to make it "perfect" can ruin things, so I feel comfortable saying "it's complete." I will put a video up of it soon. I shouldn't wait that long again though.. i feel slightly relieved just having the words- now to recording it.

it's a song about wanting love. I realized in trying to finish it, I had to dig a little deeper to get to that place of wanting love. I haven't wanted that, or had that aching feeling in a really long time. It's about coming to peace with timing and that you have to be patient in finding love... and I think I've done that for now. I really believe we all have someone that's right for us.. I mean it could be that we have a thousand people right for us that we choose from, but I prefer to believe in destiny a little more.. maybe I'm naive, but I think things happen for a reason. Sometimes I just think he's out there somewhere doin his thing and I'm doin mine until it's the right time for us to come together hah! im loving this optimism today. but i do believe that.

but for the song, its main idea is built on the innate desire in all of us to be with someone.. to share our lives.. to experience life together and realizing how much that adds to our experience here. I had forgotten that for awhile. How people are what life is about.

Maybe I'll do a vid of the song before I record it and post the lyrics..

oh and my mom helped me finish it! she helps me talk it out and understand what I'm trying to, but can't always in my own head.

good good

2010-07-17T23:51:00.003-04:00

last night I was like, okay i'm going to take a break from all this- it's making me nuts. but today I had 2 recording sessions, working on other peoples songs and it was so fun! i made money too! hahah it's a rare occurrence to sing and get paid to do it. For the past few months, my sessions have been just me trying to do it and I've been really anxious about it all. But today, I was recording other people's songs and working with people who were into similar stuff that I'm into. It was the strangest thing.. this girl emailed me who found my music online and asked if I would sing on some of her tracks. I've gotten emails like that before, but she seemed really nice and she was really professional so I followed up. Anyway, I was really hesitant up until I knocked on their door today- and her and her partner were so nice and easy to work with. The first song was good, but the next was even better. They were fun pop songs- nothing too heavy, just stuff that was fun to sing and we didn't have to think too much about. And the best part was all working together to make the song the best it could be. I felt so lucky to be apart of it and to have ended up randomly in their house.. my mom was texting me like "are you alive" haha no she didn't but she was like, are you okay?! we didn't know what to expect since they found me online lol

We got three songs done today.. and it was really a great day. It's been kinda tough lately, or maybe just my attitude hasn't been right, but today kind of renewed everything for me. It really showed me that it's good to do things you don't want to do and that the most important part of any job is who you're working with.

just when you think

2010-07-02T21:44:00.002-04:00

just got back from a pretty long day today.. Spent awhile in the studio today. I get anxiety almost every time.. no every time, I go into the studio but I usually find my way to work through it and that's part of the whole experience. Today I kept trying to work through it and I was doing my best, but at the end of the day (spending 4hours just on tempo alone- I know, psycho) it still sounded like, ..... not great. I was like okay, optimism, I just spent $300 and have nothing to show for it. Trying not to freak out.. I brought it home to mom and she gave it a listen and I knew it wasn't good. I was worried she'd be disappointed too, but she wasn't, she was just honest. She said that it just didn't capture the song, what's special about it, and she was right. I felt kind of helpless at that point though- I had just spent $300, and 7hrs in a dark cave to get- fail.

anyway, long story short, we had dinner, I was bitter and hopeless, and then we went to Target. As I'm thinking how the hell am I ever gonna make anything of this, dreams, what are dreams anyway (i tend to go pretty far down this road at least 1/week) my mom asks to listen again. I was like no, can't we not talk about this anymore, Ive listened to this at least 70 times today, please, don't listen. But of course we listened, and kept listening and she starts singing this string part over it, right after the chorus. I'm like holy ** that sounds good! maybe all hope is not gone! haha the song doesn't suck, it just needs to be produced more! We started going back and forth with ideas and she gave me a little hope again for it- maybe it could be made into something half decent.. I remembered what I was moved by again when I first wrote it and what we needed to capture. My mom is seriously Kanye West sometimes with her ideas- she's amazing. I'm not giving up on this one. no sir. there's something there. so thank you mama.

it's funny, with creative endeavors or anything really, there's always a point where it seems like this will never work.. but im learning that's when you might be on the verge of something great if you just keep looking, or give it time..

so we'll see, I hope it turns out! *knock on wood

Show at Rockwood Music Hall 6/5/10

2010-06-06T10:34:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning, me, my mom and dad all piled into the car and drove up to ny from bmore for a show I had in the afternoon at Rockwood. We made it just in time luckily to get to the venue at 4pm. I was worried no one would be there but there was a decent number of people for the size room it was. When I heard "music hall" I expected a little bit bigger space, but it was pretty tiny. This was my first show accompanying myself for the whole thing so I was really nervous.. but it went great! I mean, it wasn't perfect, but it was a mark of progress.. yes my hands were a little shaky on the guitar and piano, but for feeling stark naked in front of a room of people, I was happy with how it went. Over time I've learned how to control the nerves a little bit better. One of my teachers at school (livingston taylor) always said, "if you're nervous, that means you're only thinking about yourself." It's so true! and it's not about me, it's about the songs and trying to give the audience an experience, and if you do it well, hopefully move or inspire them. When I remind myself of that, I quickly focus on the songs and not wondering what is everyone thinking of me. There was a point when I wasn't sure performing was for me because it was so uncomfortable. I'd be singing words and was not connected to the song at all, I was thinking about my arms and how awkward they look or something like that. I'm constantly working on that, just trying to be in the moment with the audience. Because it's really about trying to give as much as you can during a performance, and it really isn't about you.

It was such a great day- stressful but awesome. A bunch of friends came to the show and my aunt ousie and her good friend. It was so sweet of everyone to come, seriously it is so nice to see familiar faces in the audience. in fact I think my favorite part is hanging out with everyone after the show. A group of us walked over to the west village to get dinner. It was ridiculously hot- we were dripping wet, i kept saying "im swimming in my pants" because seriously, I was it was so hot. we made it into a great place though, a restaurant called extra virgin- really great and we made it just before the dinner rush.

once we had an early dinner we were ready to go take another shower and get ready to go out out. I wanted to dance. so after all of us helped my sister instal her new air conditioner in her apt. we got ready to go. She and I went back downtown had a few drinks and got to dance a little. I didn't see any cute boys to dance with unfortunately but it was a good time regardless lol I actually pooped out at 1:30am and went home. my dancing was becoming very lethargic and my sister was like "you should probably leave." I was like damn, fine then I will (she doesn't really beat around the bush and is my older sister lol)

a beautiful weekend...i had been talking about "being in the moment" and i think we all did that. there's something so nice about that. accepting where you are and giving all you got to your immediate surroundings. getting out of your head.. the best thing ever.

Graduations

2010-05-24T14:06:00.001-04:00

Just got finished a weekend of Grad parties, ceremonies, etc... working on a song right now, that I really should just finish today.. and I really mean today, I've drawn it out one week too long.. but I just wanted to say hello.. My brother and I had our joint graduation parties this past saturday. He got his Ph.d in Applied Math on Friday and I got my B.A. 2 weeks ago. So we had a huge, chaotic, but awesome party at our house on Saturday. It was a lot of fun. We thought no one was coming because we said "regrets only" and got like 30, but forgot that we invited a lot more people.. so turned out we had 74 people at the house. The weather wasn't great, so our house was a bit crowded but eventually we were able to have the hootenanny outside. I was kind of emotional that night lol it was just sad to me.. coming back home to my parents house and being in my "old life." it's like I have so many old memories- like I've been asleep for the past three years and came back, so it's kind of strange. Plus, everyone asking me what the "next steps" are.. that always freaks me out. I'm very optimistic (at times, mostly) about my career, but it isn't a traditional route or career choice, so when I explain it to other people I feel like an idiot and get kind of down on myself because I feel like some people think it's an impossible dream. And not all people- I have an incredibly supportive family- and really it could just be my own internal stuff when I don't believe in what I'm doing or get doubtful, ya know. So I had a good cry the next day, got my head on straight and im back to work lol. This is a tough time for all of us though, graduating and going into unchartered territory, so whenever I can, I dodge the questions and try to talk about the other person and their life.

The party was a lot of fun though, it was so nice of all our family, friends and neighbors to come- we were honestly shocked at how many people turned out, it was really nice.

Oh and we had a stage built in the backyard! hahaha I think we're officially a little too country.. i got home friday night and I went into the backyard and my parents had had a plywood stage built in front of the shed! it's awesome and I'm never leaving home, so all shows will now be out back. hah

so anywho.. lots of fun but now it's time to work so I will talk to you later!!

Emmy

quick update...

2010-05-19T13:36:00.000-04:00

just got back from NY yesterday from an audition I decided to do a little last minute. It was for a show.. I got called back and was sooo excited. I thought my audition went horrible haha but I guess it wasn't that bad. I was elated the rest of the day and met my sister and her friends in greenwich village to eat and drink the rest of sunday afternoon. That neighborhood is like a dream and her friends are moving in there next week. I LOVE NY sooo much. we just hopped around from place to place.. and it was such a beautiful day.. it was a really rare sunday afternoon. I had such a good time with the audition and then I got to meet my sis's new friends who were the coolest, nicest people. so I was a little nervous for the callback but went in the next morning, did my thing, and waited around to hear if I'd be back for the next rounds. I never got the call, but honestly I was okay with it and still glad I had the opportunity.

I'd been home exactly a week since graduating... oh yea, I graduated by the way, haha it was awesome... so I'd been home a week trying to get acclimated and figure out what I'm doing with my life and then decided to do this audition. I have spent so much money just buying tickets for the bus to and from New York, that now I'm feeling like it might be cheaper to just live there- on my sisters couch, of course. ha if she lets me.. honestly though her couch is soo comfortable, I would love to stay there. anyway, so ny is looking like it might be where I end up, but who knows- i never know.. I really want to tour and get in front of people so I'm trying to work on that right now. I'm planning to just start the summer off in Maryland and New York and play a bunch of shows here, then branch out.. we'll see!! but Ahh I gotta get crackin... so see you on the road! I hope!!

bye bye boston

2010-04-23T18:46:00.000-04:00

I know this may not look like much, but it's picture I took from my window in Boston- and it's so beautiful to me. I love city views, right before the sun sets... and spring is right around the corner. I'm also saying goodbye to this place and I feel like it's time, but it also feels too early. This college thing, moving to a new city, not knowing a soul and now I have to say goodbye.. I'll be back to visit. But for my last few weeks, I'm livin it up in the bean- I don't have a lot of money to spend this weekend, but I'm gonna do my best :)

The one thing I wish I had while I've been here is more friends- and I don't at all want to sound like, poor me, I'm a loner haha but I definitely could've used a few more girlfriends. My best friend from home came to visit last weekend and Boston became a different place- it was sooo fun! So I'm a little regretful about not making as many close girlfriends- but I do have a few.. but they're busy tonight lol sooo I dunno. I think I'm going to go for a walk to beacon hill, maybe to my fav. pizza place but I do wish I had someone to go with.

so i'm that girl tonight lol

hope you have a good weekend..whoever you are hahah

Emma

graduating

2010-04-20T20:41:00.000-04:00

they say paradise is knowing you're in it before you're cast out.

and i can say right now, in my last three weeks of college, I am for certain in Paradise. I wish I had realized this sooner, I wish I hadn't been racing to get out of here two years ago, I wish I had made more close friends, I wish I had just enjoyed it and lived it while I spent so much time fretting about how to get out of here. But all those mistakes have somehow culminated to this wonderful appreciation for it (maybe because I can finally see the end, whereas before I never thought I'd make it) and a really great last semester at Berklee. Some days I get really down and worry about my impending launch into the real world and I can already hear the arguments with my parents about getting a job and taking care of myself and I worry that I have to give up my pursuit and I'll fail. But today, I don't think that at all. I'm actually optimistic- okay with the uncertainty. I'm excited to live like a bum and play my guitar haha because it's what I love, so how could it ever go badly.. I mean there will be times, but it's gotten me this far, and it's been a pretty good ride thus far.

So Paradise- tonight I was in my poetry class with my wonderful teacher Pat Pattison. Our classes are so amazing. Some days I'd be like, kill me, why are we spending so much time getting into these ridiculous details of words and where they're placed in a line!! And in my lyric writing classes, I never really appreciated the craft as much as I do now. He said something tonight that I wish I heard him say the first day I got here. A student brought up the thought that going to school for music takes away the magic, takes away the wonder of making music. I've been worried about that since day 1, but for much of what I've learned it has only empowered me. Pat said that he's here as our teacher to sort of demystify the art and put us in control. He said there's no point in going to school if you don't want to learn how to be in control, how to really compose. He said that he thinks that when you learn the craft and can be in control, that's when it's really fun... Again I wish i had heard this from him much earlier. lol It's so true though.. learning is so empowering. A lot of times people fear it for whatever reason, but it's so cool to finally "get it" whatever that may be.

So anywho, that was a bit of a tangent- but as I was saying- paradise- it's little insights like that I get in class from teachers like Pat that make me love being in school. When I look around at all the kids in my class I just love them haha, especially that class, we pretty much laugh the whole time. I'm going to miss this place, miss Boston. We spend so much time trying to run from whatever place we're in, when it's actually pretty nice. I struggle with that- how to live in the moment.. quite frankly, I don't even know what that means.. life is, for me at least, is constantly reflecting on the past and planning for the future, interspersed with a few really great nights, where I'm just happy to be where I am. Is that it? I'm constantly trying to figure that one out- I think tonight is one of those good ones though hah

so what I learned in college...

- "all that my fears do is keep me from my dreams" (Drew, in my class wrote a poem something along these lines)

- I know who I am- kind of, I was always like what the hell does that mean when people said it, but i get it now! lol

- friendships & relationships are really the most important thing in my life

- and you can actually do anything or learn anything you want to.. no. seriously, you can- it's kind of unbelievable to me

so once again i have laid on the Cheeesee, that's what I do best, but it's forreaal. okay?

love you.

good nite.

"Always Be My Baby"

2010-04-09T00:45:00.000-04:00

I'm listening to Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby" and getting very nostalgic... oh no..

lol i just love this song. I was in second grade when it came out and I sang it to Mrs. Walton's class at Stoneleigh Elementary School. I can see it soo clearly, I remember getting up to sing and thinking nothing of it. Being a kid is so awesome.. you do things because you want to and what other people might think never occurs to you. I remember my best friend Rachel hitting the boom box for me to play the song. hahah i didn't even have a backing track- I sang along to Mariah lol. nothing is better than second grade I just realized. Is it pathetic that I still love that song? no, I don't think so. I remember after I sang, some of the kids in class made fun of me because they said I was singing it to Kyle- he was my best friend and he was moving away.. and truthfully, I think I was! I saw him recently haha and if he ever reads this i just might be kind of embarrassed ;) whew the glory days

...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfRNRymrv9k

"Serene, I fold my hands and wait..."

2010-04-01T23:55:00.000-04:00

I know I'm corny, and I've been told I take things "too seriously," and I get kinda mushy and have been known as a "cookie-baker," but I don't care.. I'm writing this because it's important to me, and I think a lot of people feel it too.

I can't tell you how many times a day, especially in the last few weeks, I've had someone from class come up to me and say, "I'm 25, it's too late for me" or "What have I been doing, I'm so far behind," or my personal favorite "Why didn't I drop out of Berklee 2 years ago, I'd probably have gotten somewhere."

Everyone at Berklee is really driven and focused which is wonderful and also scary because it makes you realize just how many people want the same things you want. It gets intense.. it's probably much like that movie fame, although I've never seen it. I've been so back and forth while I've been at school here... I used to freak out and call my parents and say I'm leaving and moving to Nashville! Then I would confuse myself more and I would tell them about my biological clock, kinda like when you want to have a baby, but for us our "baby" is our first album. haha wow that sounds shallow, but if you love what you do and have been doing it forever, you get what I mean. You're worried it might never come and then you try to talk yourself out of wanting it.. you convince yourself that reality is much more boring than a dream, so if it actually ever happened it wouldn't really matter much- but sometimes.. or no, for a long while, you just have to keep chuggin along. Do the work and let go of the outcome b/c you can't ever control that.. i've wasted a lot of time thinking about that kinda stuff and now I just wanna do the work... w/out expectation.

But anywho, before I write anything else, I wanted to put this poem up on here that I read in my fav. book "Light From Many Lamps"- a book of "wisdom" my Dad gave to me, that had been his Nana's.

"Serene, I fold my hands and wait,

Nor care for wind, or tide, or sea;

I rave no more 'gainst Time or Fate,

For lo, my own shall come to me."

Here's the whole entry if you have time to read it:

LA.. the trip i'll never forget. ever.

2010-03-29T09:40:00.000-04:00

wooo LA! I just got back from my trip out there.. it's monday, took the red-eye and I'm still awake! I used to fight my insomnia, but now I'm just going with it and i will sleep when i'm dead, right? .. ok that was unnecessary.

anyway I love LA! it was my 4th trip, all three up until this point I've said "LA is not for me, I don't like the people."

I have never been so wrong in my life, the people... are wonderful and so is the city. Visiting with friends and family who actually live there gave me a whole new perspective on the city- one I was hoping to get since i've been considering making the move out there for my musical aspirations. It's so amazing to me that everyone (almost everyone) who is at the peak of their industry, lives out there. all that talent and experience and creativity and hope- all in one place? that's so cool to me.

I could write a book on the whole experience, but i won't because im too impatient for that type of labor, so briefly... I went out there to try to meet with some songwriters and producers. the short of that is that I only actually got one meeting. but that one meeting went well, so it was completely worth it to me. But i also got to spend a lot of time with friends who are in the industry and gave me the scoop. i realized just how small it really is.

The most important thing for me as a songwriter, or actually, a human being, is that whatever I do, I need to be around people that I love and people who get me and i get them. My hope is that wherever I end up, I find other writers that are good, real peeps. I need that.

and the one writer I met with was so nice and welcoming and helpful.. so it put me at ease w/the idea of moving to LA.

I love the whole adventure of it.. it's so unknown and crazy.. and really scary sometimes, but so worth it. what else would i be doing? I'd probably be bored.. and the more you keep going with something, the more real it becomes, which is really really amazing to me.

Aside from trying to meet with writers, I wanted to make one very important stop while I was out there... If you know me, you know that I love justin timberlake as a musician and entertainer. it's not like "omg he's so cute" love, it's more of like a true respect and admiration for what he does. If I could ask for any mentor in the world for my music career, it would be him. So for the past year I've been trying to contact his record label Tennman Records and his A&R... unsuccessfully. I've tried myspace, facebook and have fed exd my press kit.. but no response. so i was like, i'm in LA i should just go over there in person.. so I did. I didn't think anyone would be there though. And it wasn't his label but it was the A&R's office (the one I've been trying to get in touch with) ... but i knocked and this guy was like "come in" and at first i was like what the..? so i assumed it couldn't have come from inside so i was about to just drop it under the door and he said it again... so I went in and who do I see but the A&R guy I've been trying to get in touch with forever! lol I told him I'd been trying to contact him and that I sent a fed ex and was told he received it. He was like, did I respond? and i was like, no, so that's why i wanted to bring this over in person bc I'm in town for the week. I really think I creeped him out and I feel bad for doing that, but I just really want him to listen to my demo lol. So i'll keep you posted if I ever hear anything.

I went out there to try to connect with some people and also to have some fun, which I did. The first part of the week I stayed in Venice w/my family & friend Danny.. then I went to west hollywood to stay with my friend Marga. Marga went to Berklee too and has been in LA for almost a year. I loved hanging out with them both. Danny played a show the first night I got there.. it was great! and I got to sing a w/him on a couple (pic above). We were really busy and being busy in the california sunshine, is heaven to me. My favorite part by far was ridin around in Marga's car listening to music. why is the car seriously the best place to listen to music? btw, jettas (VWs) have the most surprisingly ridiculous sound & bass.

haha more to come on that trip.. love,

emmy

marga and my jam on the trip, Mario's "Thinkin About You" and below is an annoying video of me and marga after getting rejected at a club... no wonder.

What a Week

2010-02-28T15:06:00.000-05:00

Just got back from the airport, arriving at my second home in Boston... it's weird after 3 years, it kinda does feel like home (if I knew two years ago I'd be saying that, I might be sick lol). Anywho, the flight was nice, it's only an hour between Baltimore and Boston, so it's actually not a bad trip. I went home (bmore) Thursday morning to start recording some new songs through Friday. I always get pretty nervous before I go into the studio, because I'm just so afraid I'm not going to get it right. I had a show here in Boston the night before, so I was tired going in, which made me more nervous- not the best planning on my part. I think the whole anxiety just comes from the clock ticking, the bill increasing minute to minute and being afraid to sing something bad or not have just the right words yet. So I recorded 3 songs, none of which ended up being complete unfortunately... typically I'd get really upset about my unproductiveness, but this time I felt okay, like, I'm not giving up on these songs, maybe they just need some time... they're like little puzzles to me that I'm trying to figure out. So I put them away for the weekend and will be back to them soon hopefully to complete them (knock on wood ;)

But overall it was great week! The show Wednesday was such a good time- I performed at Cafe 939 here in Boston w/ Jesse Ruben and Chris Ayer (two really talented ..and adorable singer/songwriters). The night before was a show with David Ryan Harris that I got to go see at the very last minute. DRH is amazing. I have never heard a male voice like his, ever. He is also John Mayer's guitar player- if you haven't heard him you must listen to "For You" on his myspace- http://www.myspace.com/davidryanharris

After recording, I got to see my mom and dad and hang out and go to our favorite restaurant for manicotti, and starbucks on saturday together... Saturday night we went out and met my brother and his girlfriend and one of my best friends. I love weekends like that! So now it's back to work!! I have to study for my history of western music test tomorrow and I don't know where my notes are..... so I should stop writing for now..until next time.

woo another good one

2010-02-19T11:46:00.000-05:00

Goodbye Bmore, for now

2010-01-16T21:59:00.001-05:00

Going back to Boston tomorrow for my last semester. Ever. I'm watching the Ravens play the Colts in the playoffs right now, and to be honest it's not going well for us, but God I love Ray Lewis. Anyway, I will miss this place. I'll miss sitting on this red couch with my mom and dad.

Today was a good day to end my break with. I had the chance to record a song of mine that I wrote in the summer.. just piano/vocal right now but somehow it took 6 hours- but well worth it. I had a great time at the studio. I've been really anxious lately and I was able to control it for awhile, but sometimes it has a way of creeping up on you, and sometimes it's hard to talk yourself out of. It's been affecting everything, particularly my work- just questioning and doubting everything. But today was different, and I'm so relieved because I felt like I had beat it. I went in with all these nerves, trying to predict the things that were bound to go wrong.. but instead, we had fun and I realized the song doesn't have to be perfect today, but I'm going to keep working on it until I get it where I want it. Somehow all the crap cleared out of my head and I had a really good time... Thank you for today. And this break. See you in the bean.

more I love...

2010-01-11T22:30:00.000-05:00

“… but I still loved life. This ridiculous foible is perhaps one of our most fatal characteristics; for is there anything more absurd than to wish to carry continually a burden which one can always throw down? to detest existence and yet cling to one’s existence? in brief, to caress the serpent which devours us, till he has eaten our very heart?” – Candide

When Einstein explained his theory of relativity, he couldn’t express it in the precise, scientific writing of physics. He had to use poetry. Poetry: the connection of words, images and the relationships that gives them meaning. Quantum physics changed the world. No longer can we view the world in separate, mechanical ways, but we must accept the reality of interconnection, unity and togetherness. Life is poetry.

-- David Seel

English teacher from Annapolis, Maryland.

I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.

-- Augusten Burroughs

Author of Running with Scissors.

All unhappiness and stagnation results from a feeling that you are at the mercy of the world and the people in it. But what a joy it is, what a major shift to strength and power, when you no longer wait around for others to favor and love you, for others to flatter and reward you. Reward and flatter yourself, favor and love yourself.

-- Kira Salak

Writer and National Geographic Emerging Explorer.

Perhaps people who think “the sky is the limit” haven’t heard of Yuri Gagarin. We live in a limitless world, but if we aim low we’ll surely miss the target.

-- John Fabian

Astronaut. As a mission specialist he served on the Challenger and Discovery.

Some of the best inventive moments were born out of “wrong thinking.” Most people start with the right way so they all follow the same path. The wrong way will lead to mistakes from which you can learn and create new discoveries – the kind of original ideas that come to life when we dare to be different, keep an open mind and have no fear of failure.

James Dyson

The human brain is the only object in the known universe that can predict its own future and tell its own fortune. The fact that we can make disastrous decisions even as we foresee their consequences is the great, unsolved mystery of human behavior. When you hold your fate in your hands, why would you ever make a fist?

-- Daniel Gilbert

Harvard professor of psychology and author of Stumbling on Happiness.

A man never likes you so well as when he leaves your company liking himself.

Don't be so humble; you're not that great.  - Golda Meir, to a visiting diplomat

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.  - Eleanor Roosevelt

With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.  - Keshavan Nair

When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform. 

- Theodore H. White

Each time anyone comes into contact with us, they must become different and better people  because of having met us.  We must radiate God’s love.  We must know that we have been created for greater things,  not just to be a number in the world,  not just to go for diplomas and degrees,  this work and that work.  We have been created in order to love and to be loved.  Love does not measure. It just gives.  - Mother Teresa

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. 

Leo Buscaglia

I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything,  I still believe that people are really good at heart.  

Anne Frank

It is good to have an end to journey toward;  but it is the journey that matters, in the end.

-Ursula K. Le Guin

Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake. 

Henry David Thoreau

“I am still learning.” 

Michelangelo

“There is no use in trying,” said Alice; “one can’t believe impossible things.”

 “I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age   I always did it for half an hour a day.  Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as  six impossible things before breakfast.

-  Lewis Carroll

While we have the gift of life,  it seems to me the only tragedy  is to allow part of us to die -- whether it is our spirit,  our creativity,  or our glorious uniqueness. 

Gilda Radner

“It is more likely,” said he, “mankind have a little corrupted nature, for they were not born wolves, and they have become wolves; God has not given them neither cannon or four-and-twenty pounders, nor bayonets; and yet they have made cannon and bayonets to destroy one another.”

-Candide

Goodness

2010-01-11T22:24:00.001-05:00

Quote I found on my old laptop that helped and inspired me to write.

… at once it struck me, what quality went to form a Man of Achievement especially in Literature & which Shakespeare possessed so enormously – I mean Negative Capability, that is when man is capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact & reason – Coleridge, for instance, would let go by a fine isolated verisimilitude caught from the Penetralium of mystery, from being incapable of remaining content with half knowledge. This pursued through Volumes would perhaps takes us no further than this, that with a great poet the sense of Beauty overcomes every other consideration, or rather obliterates all consideration. (43)

December 1817 letter to George and Tom Keats

Chasing Emma: Songs on the Radio!!

2009-12-29T22:26:00.000-05:00

Chasing Emma: Songs on the Radio!!

Songs on the Radio!!

2009-12-29T22:24:00.000-05:00

Listen to my songs "His Eyes" and "I Think About You" on WPOC 93.1
http://www.wpoc.com/pages/charmcity.html

I'm not 18 anymore

2009-12-24T01:51:00.001-05:00

Contemplating my transition into "adulthood." I don't really like the whole idea... and how quickly time passes.. i can't believe it. I just came from one of my best friend's christmas party. I have a really amazing group of friends here in Baltimore, some since kindergarten even, and we're still best friends. We're known as the "Cookie Bakers." (name given in high school)

Every holiday I come back from college it's so odd driving around my neighborhood and driving in the same car I did in high school. I feel like right now, at 21 I'm right on this bridge into another incredibly different chapter in my life. I'm still close to my teenage years, but they're gone, so I can't get them back and I'm about to be out of school for the first time ever in my life! I'm not good with change- My family has never moved - I have the same room, same house, same friends. I dropped my friend off at her new house tonight after the party- we passed right by her old house on the way. The house we took prom pictures at, the house we used to run to from Stoneleigh pool, where we would jump in their hot tub after water ballet practice in the summer. I remember everything so clearly like it wasn't that long ago and now she doesn't live there- it's so crazy to me! I have such sweet memories of my childhood with these people and now we're all apart at different colleges and all we talk about now is, What are you doing after you graduate? This sucks!! ahha I'd be lucky if the next chapter is even half as good as the first! I loved growing up here and I love the people here, but things are different. I don't play field hockey anymore and I do not attend Towson High School and I will never again be in school. My parents are talking about moving into a condo, and friends are starting to get married.. and I'm thinking, what is going on?! This is very bizarre to me, but I have no choice but to get used to it.

National Anthem at Comcast Center

2009-12-23T00:38:00.000-05:00

Just got home from singing the National Anthem at the Comcast Center at University of Maryland (TERPS). It was for the men's bball game. Tonight was my first time back in two years! Singing the anthem had been my first gig- from little league to major to football and basketball games, that's one thing I've had a lot of experience with. To me, it's my version of jumping out of an airplane. Whenever I do it, I'm like, "what am I thinking, these people are nuts for letting me come here to sing this song." Then the whole time I'm thinking, where's middle c?

But I kind of love nerves b/c I get this incredible excitement. It's unlike anything else. Something about singing in a stadium, acapella, it's the most amazing feeling- a complete rush. So it went well luckily! So fun and I'm glad I get to come back in a couple weeks to perform again. It was also a really special night because I got to visit UMD. I went there for my first year of college and miss it terribly! I LOVED my freshman year- ahh the memories... then I became serious and transferred :( But that year I was in college park was probably the best time of my life, so visiting is always nice, but also makes my heart ache a little. <3 you CP.

Elizabeth Gilbert on Genius

2009-10-07T12:23:00.000-04:00

This is from a favorite author/person of mine who wrote the bestseller, "Eat Pray Love."
watch!! for "creative" types (if you think you are or you think you're not, but want to be) watch this:

...everyone has it!

New song "I Hate It When You're Gone"

2009-10-07T12:20:00.000-04:00

I have recently uploaded a new song on my music player, "I Hate It When You're Gone." My mom and I wrote this together over the summer and after several attempts to get the recording right- we have a version we feel is ok to play!
Hope you like it!

-Emmy

Just Do It

2009-10-07T11:29:00.000-04:00

I stopped my blog for a little while, it seemed unnecessary, why do all this work for nothing.. I lost my purpose in doing it.

I'm not exactly sure what that is (my purpose for this, this blog or pursuing music).. except that I'm on a journey, and I want to put all these crazy things to the test- the main idea that you can make anything happen if you believe in it. Some days I wake up and I really do think anything is possible even though I don't know exactly how to go about doing it.

Its the kind of thing I know in my bones- My goal has been forever to become a professional singer & songwriter- right now I want to get a record deal and go on tour in the next couple years. But I get a lot reactions, like "what's your plan B" or "that's a difficult path." The one that bothers me most is "Plan B," probably b/c I don't have one. :)))0

Then there are days when I lose all direction and focus and reason. I realize how unimportant my desires are in comparison to the needs/desires of other people. I have a really good life, why can't I just accept what I've been given and not be so selfish! .... Now I've realized that your life is what you make of it.. and if you have some calling you have to go with it and do the things that you really love. Today I read this from my new favorite book, "Light from many lamps." It's about how the only thing stopping you from living, is yourself- your internal critics, and that pretty amazing things cans happen when you ignore them.

"The Virtue Of All Achievement Is Victory Over Oneself. Those Who Know This Victory Can Never Know Defeat." (A.J. Cronin, as written in "Light From Many Lamps").

I've found that to be true in my own life, but it's one of those lessons I have to learn over.. and over again. Here's an excerpt from that.... (pg. 147-150 below)

losing sleep

2009-10-07T00:02:00.001-04:00

Do you ever have so much to do (or think you do), that the thought of even beginning it is so intense that you do nothing? because I get that feeling a lot... i love making calendars and schedules and sticking to them, but somehow there's still something nagging at me, keeping me up at night.

I think if you want to do something with your life you should go do it, because it's only going to hurt more the longer you wait... Doing the thing that when you say it out loud, that other side of you immediately tells you how ridiculous it is. the ability to block that out and do it is probably the best thing you could ever develop. Doing the things that came natural to you, that you would have done without hesitation as a child.

"I Think About You" new demo!

2009-08-06T12:33:00.001-04:00

Listen ------->

A couple favorite quotes...

2009-07-31T00:39:00.002-04:00

“Success is going from failure to failure without ever losing your enthusiasm.”

- winston churchill

"What is the single illuminating thing which shines its light on all elements of the best parts of your life (the sound of which makes your heart sing and your feet dance)? Answer that and then know: that is the thing you must do."

- mary anne radmacher

Recent Shows

2009-07-31T00:39:00.001-04:00

"Over"- performing originals at Nissan

July '09

Performing at The Bitter End, NYC

"Baby I Love You" June '09

click in center of video.

Shows

2009-07-30T22:08:00.000-04:00

07/25/2009 08:00 PM - Nissan Pavilion side stage

Bristow, Virginia

06/24/2009 09:00 PM - Crash Mansion

New York, New York

06/10/2009 08:00 PM - Ottobar w/ Mike McFadden

Baltimore, Maryland

05/20/2009 08:00 PM - The Bitter End

New York, New York

04/09/2009 07:00 PM - Arlene’s Grocery

New York, New York

04/06/2009 08:00 PM - Berklee Performance Center- Songwriter’s Competition

Boston, Massachusetts

03/23/2009 08:15 PM - Pop/Rock Showcase- Berklee Performance Center

Boston, Massachusetts

03/11/2009 08:00 PM - Bill’s Bar

Boston, Massachusetts

02/25/2009 08:00 PM - King’s

Boston, Massachusetts

02/06/2009 07:30 PM - Googie’s Lounge above The Living Room

New York, New York

01/14/2009 07:00 PM - The 8x10

Baltimore, MD

11/24/2008 10:00 PM - Matt Murphy’s

Boston, Massachusetts

10/24/2008 10:00 PM - Berklee Café

Boston, Massachusetts

08/07/2008 07:00 PM - Ottobar w/ Mike McFadden, Adam Taylor and Mike Cohn

Baltimore, Maryland

06/26/2008 08:00 PM - BMI Showcase Smith’s Olde Bar

Atlanta, Georgia

06/20/2008 08:00 PM - The Recher Theatre

Towson, Maryland

01/02/2008 08:00 PM - Comcast Center University of Maryland

University of Maryland, College Park

12/30/2007 02:00 PM - Comcast Center University of Maryland

University of Maryland, College Park

07/11/2007 09:00 PM - Mt. Washington Tavern

Baltimore, Maryland

06/28/2007 08:00 PM - Kelsey's Pub

Baltimore, Maryland

05/27/2007 01:30 PM - Ravens Stadium

Baltimore, Maryland

Listen to DAWES

2009-07-30T17:28:00.000-04:00

This is a band out of California, who I got introduced to at my internship at ATO (the label they just recently signed to). I'm not just saying this because I intern there :) I really do love this band- there's really no one I've heard like them. I don't know where they recorded this, but it's a great sound- it's different. Each time I listen, I hear something new. Definitely listen to this in your car! I don't know why, but that's where I enjoy it most. I'm pretty sure their album is coming out early this fall... for now, you can check them out at:

www.myspace.com/dawestheband or www.dawestheband.com

Their show was the first one I got to go to in ny this summer (as an intern perk ;) When you hear them live, you can tell there's something special about them.

My TOP 5:

1. When My Time Comes

2. Give Me Time

3. Love Is All I Am

4. Western Skyline

5. If You Let Me Be Your Anchor

Also, you can hear them on DayTrotter

Nissan Pavilion: Before & After

2009-07-26T15:51:00.000-04:00

Above: Things going swimmingly- on-stage around 5:30pm

Bottom: about 7pm, band still on-stage, under tent.

Sunday night on the bus up to New York for my internship tomorrow morning, reflecting on the events of the weekend- what a weekend! I had been asked to perform with my band before the Brad Paisley concert at Nissan Pavilion on their outdoor side stage for “megaticket” holders. I was soo excited and a little nervous. maybe a lot nervous. There was a lot going on and it was kind of a last minute gig, so there was some definite pressure building to get things ready.

About a week ago, my parents and I went to dinner and we were talking about the show and I was telling them I had been feeling pretty anxious lately- more than usual. I’m pretty comfortable at this point with nerves, especially before a show, but this was a little different. If you’ve ever had the feeling, like you just know something bad is gonna happen, then you know what I mean. I was straight up paranoid for a couple weeks, kept expecting the worse, fearing my failure before I even tried to do something. I told them it was like I was “waiting for the storm to come” (my own words, I had no idea would turn out to be so accurate). Things were just moving so fast, and no matter what I did, I knew I wasn’t going to ever be as prepared as I wanted to be- we just didn’t have enough time & that really bothered me. But we got it all together somehow, and it worked out… as it always does.

So Saturday came, and all was going well. I was excited at this point. My Uncle Mike came over to the house with all the sound equipment, and picked me and my Dad up to drive down to Virginia. We met the band there, set up and when 5:30 came we opened our set with Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice.” The day was hot and humid- a typical night in July. We had checked the weather reports all day, all of them saying there was no chance of rain. Then, after about an hour into our set, we saw these dark clouds coming our way. Taking extra precaution, I had the audience knock on wood for me to ward off any storm (not the smoothest thing I’ve ever said to an audience), but I’m a little superstitious. A few minutes later, we heard a crack of thunder and my Unlce told the audience we had to stop and he started to pack up. I couldn’t believe what was happening- there had been no chance of rain! I was like Mom, stop uncle mike (lol), we have to keep playing, we were barely halfway through. But then I felt a drop of rain and realized there was nothing I could do, this storm was coming and I had to give in.

Before I knew it, we were all huddled under a teeny tent trying to save the equipment. We held tarps and table cloths on the sides to keep the water out. Totally soaked, my white dress was now see through, my make up and hair a mess. This beautiful day had turned into this chaos so quickly! it was so crazy to me. All week I had been trying so hard to control everything, making sure it would go smoothly, but in this situation it wasn’t in my control.

“The storm” I had been so nervous of earlier in the week really came and ya know, it wasn’t so bad. We made it through and it just showed me so much. I saw how important it is to embrace the situation (whatever it may be), face it straight on and just ride it out. It’s really that way with everything- I can’t worry so much about it all being perfect. I’m actually glad it happen, I feel better now, relieved- knowing that whatever happens, I just have to go with it and that the most powerful thing is how I respond to it.

Everyone was so wonderful and helpful yesterday. I wouldn’t have had it go any other way- it was craziness but so much fun! J hah Uncle Mike definitely saved the day and even after all that, a 2 hour car ride home (in the storm), he came in to help us unpack, and still had time to play us a song.

"Chasing Emma" episode 1

2009-07-26T15:39:00.000-04:00

hi! my name is emma white and I'm a singer & songwriter from baltimore, md. this blog has been something I've wanted to do for awhile. a way to document my travels, stories and the chaotic day to day of my musical journey... I don't typically do things easy, (believe me, if I could I would), but I can promise it's never boring :) Like most of you, I am always finding that there are moments I wish a camera had been in the room, something to capture these scenes I wish I could "imprint" forever. So this is my attempt to take little snapshots of this time...thanks for reading.